Last week, I found myself wondering what dumb people thought about movies that I love. So I went to the DVD reviews on Amazon, and boy, did I ever find dumb people. Here are more of them!

Brazil

Boring…..boring…..boring Pros: Colorful cinematography, the song “Brazil.” Cons: Stupid story. Don’t waste 2 hours of your life. The song “Brazil” is overused throughout the movie.

IT IS AWFUL — I thought I had discovered an overlooked gem starring Robert De Niro, but was unable to sit through this “retro-futuristic” farce in my first and so far only attempt at viewing. De Niro’s character shows up somewhat late in the film with neither plot nor character development up that point. I usually like films of this genre, such as the Omega Man or Soylent Green. I cannot understand why others have given it such good reviews.

DID NOT LIKE -- I DID NOT LIKE THIS MOVIE . MAYBE I WILL TRY TO WATCH IT AGAIN . I JUST COULD NOT GET INTO IT .  [click to continue…]

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Episode 222 – The Winning Edge

by admin on April 14, 2014

Guest Jesse Graff joins Dawn for discussion of a different sort of edge at first, before segueing somewhat smoothly the concept of competition as physical therapy. Dawn, Patrick and Jesse share their histories as teenagers, and how they each turned to sport in some fashion to help work through their issues.

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Bad Amazon Reviews of Movies I Love

by dawn on April 8, 2014

The other night I was sitting around, staring at the walls, probably drooling just a little bit at the corner of my mouth, when I wondered, What do stupid people think about the movies that I love most? So I headed over to Amazon, where anyone can share their opinion, no matter how boneheaded. Enjoy.

TAXI DRIVER (1976)

“Jinxed cabbie gets worst fares. Killers, whores, etc. thwarted by his fantasy play-sex-toy, he coolly decides to kill her candidate … and some pimps too. very high marks for emotion and cinema, deadly low on plot … no surprises. A strange child porn/child exploitation theme wanders through this film, leaving one feel empty … useless. The ending and coda seem to support all the wrong things. Hmm. A little editing would’ve made this film twice as good.

The three minute gun fight at the end was interesting and had pretty good special effects but other than that the whole movie was just boring. (…) It’s just an hour and forty-five minutes of nothing. Is pointing out that New York has a lot of bad areas and bad people suppose to be some kind of stroke of genius? And so what if a New York Cab Driver starts to slowly lose his mind. There just wasn’t anything interesting or dramatic about any scene, aside from the gun fight. And the music was god awful.”

The story is very bad and the message is not clear. I would give this movie no stars if I have the option.”  [click to continue…]

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Dawn channels the magic of the Lonely Goatherder as a means to welcome Kristen Bowie back to the show for the first time in over a year, and in that year, she’s become a bit of an urban farmer, which leads to obvious questions like “What does goat milk taste like” and “Why don’t we drink other mammal milk” and “What are catamounts, anyway” and “Why do people think they can tell the world they don’t want to serve gay people at their restaurant without any negative financial repercussion for sharing that?” Also, Dawn admits she’s eaten human flesh, so that’s pretty interesting.

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An episode that hearkens back to the glory days (such as they are) of Ham Fisted, where it was just a mixing board, some microphones, and a comfortable domicile to record in.Bobby is off at Emerald City Comic-Con, so Mary-Suzanne brings her equipment to Dawn’s house, plugs it in, and before you can say Mayim Bialik, the conversation is off and sprawling in every direction. Patrick is there, and Bella is there, and Ron Perlman is there (but not really), and Gwyneth Paltrow is there being lame, and carpet soiling burglars are there, and it’s the kind of comfy cozy Ham Fisted party you’d think it was.

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Before Dawn gets to the title of this week episode, she and her longtime friend Eric D. Snider of MovieBS with Bayer and Snider talk about Dawn’s dream career: The long haul trucker with more than enough shower tokens to make any truck stop a sitter’s paradise. Once that beautiful fantasy has been exhausted, Dawn & Eric start talking about movies, and spoilers, and sequels, and all the things regarding those subjects that necessitate you keeping your piehole closed. Also, there’s sex robots.

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Episode 218 – What a Lovely Tea Party

by admin on March 10, 2014

Imagine you’re on a slow moving train. Imagine it is decked out in the finest curtains, tablecloths, and bar necessities you’ve always imagined from whatever movies told us that’s what trains are like. Imagine you have broken free from your typewriter, and wandered into the drinking car, whereupon Dawn Taylor, Mary-Suzanne Lamkins, and Patrick Hurley are gathered around a table, drinking tea and talking about all manner of subject, couth and uncouth. Congratulations: You have imagined this week’s episode.

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Episode 217 – Sailing the Seas of Cheese

by admin on March 3, 2014

What started as a joke in the car became a legitimate topic of discussion once Dawn, Mary-Suzanne, Patrick, and Dawn’s neighbor Jeremy tumbled out of the car and in front of the microphones: There’s a magical cheese factory just west of Portland, and there are delights in them thar loafs, and Dawn tumbles into those delights like Augustus Gloop. It sounds more fun when she describes it. Speaking of fun, Jeremy comes to discuss a Warhammer tournament he’s hosting that also collects food for the needy, so anyone who likes table-top games and also likes having some good karma to their credit might want to listen. There’s also a bit of a Hannibal discussion as well, which is tasty as you might expect. Bon Apecheese or whatever.

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Episode 216 – On (acting like) Boobs

by admin on February 24, 2014

After an opening bit where Patrick and Mary-Suzanne learn they share sleeplessness in common (much to the surprise of Dawn), the show sinks its teeth into the multiple ways that the internet has made entering someone’s living room and looking at their horrible wall-art extra-convenient. But should it be that convenient? And what the hell are we actually LOOKING AT, anyway? Instagramming tender moments, live-tweeting intimate rituals, or good-old-fashioned popping-off and getting called out for it – even if you’re a stupid teenager who hadn’t considered how thoroughly your life was going to change when you hit “post” at the end of your brainfart. Also: Things you probably shouldn’t put in your freezer.

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Episode 215 – Horrors Big and Small

by admin on February 17, 2014

Dawn and Patrick welcome Mary-Suzanne back to the studio for a discussion that starts pleasantly enough, but ends up winding its way through a variety of horrors big and small: The horror of bad gift giving/recieving. The horror of wanting steak but only getting fish sticks. The horror of neer knowing if your parents have dosed your food with drugs. The horror of a father who isn’t afraid to scare the hell out of you at any moment. The beautiful horror of Hannibal. The ugly horror of TV shows going on way longer than they need to. And the most horrible horror of all – stories from the dentist’s chair.

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